nintenclo:

my parents’ initials are bs and ja and when they were dating they used to call each other bull shit and jack ass and i think that’s beautiful

"When god became lonely
he created man,
Or was it
When man became lonely
he created god."

Melanie Exler strengthenizer  (via mirroir)

(Source: strengthenizer)

disneyprincest:

why are my parents always like “go to bed.” i am in bed. im always in bed. you go to bed. stop talking to me.

(Source: parasailin)

daftlypunk:

daftlypunk:

do not flirt with women when they are at work

do not take advantage of women who are in situations where they cannot say no or be blunt

#im a barista not your goddamn girlfriend take your coffee and leave

"I have two daughters, so I’m raising two future women. Maybe! I mean, one of them might be a guy later. It’s possible. It could happen. Someday one of my daughters could be like ‘Dad, I’m really a guy’ and I’ll be like ‘Alright well let’s get you a dick, honey. We’ll get you the nicest dick in town.’"

Louis CK (reason #94826 why he’s the best comedian)

(Source: redlipstickineverybloodtype)

dirky-dirky-heart:

slayboybunny:

being “cute” is really hard because even when youre angry people just kinda giggle at you and say “aw youre so cute when youre angry.” no. stop. recognize my power. image

best gif use ever 

its still fucking adorable 

fredsavageiii:

this whole exchange was golden

madelineyo:

pocketspooks:

locksandglasses:

I remember when I thought people in their 20’s were adults. Now all of my friends are in their 20’s and everybody is just kind of fumbling around bumping into each other, trying to figure out where the free food is

image

Excellent gif use

queerchesters:

arterialspurt:

queerchesters:

fun date idea: Go down on me while I shop online with ur credit card

I don’t think someone could focus on the internet while I was going down on them.

you over estimate your skill and underestimate the joy of shopping

"Men judge us
by our broad
hips and forget
their birthplace."